Porn Addiction
I was inspired by Aniroodh Sivaraman 's post https://inselfyoga.com/page/view-discussion?id=8292 to share my introductory experiences with pornography. After reading his post, I reflected on how I was introduced to it. I think that the common theme for me was influence through association.
As early as I can remember, my first exposure to pornography was at age 7. I was introduced to it by some associates between the ages of 14-18. We all lived on the same street, and I considered these older guys as friends. They first revealed the films in their possession and then asked me to gather any that may be in the possession of my parents. I managed to procure a cassette tape from a collection owned by a family member. I snuck it out of the home and indulged at one of the homes of those associates. From then on, I regularly viewed it whenever the opportunity presented itself. This was done via cassette tapes, DVDs and then from the internet when I learned how to navigate it.
Throughout my life, some form of pornography has always been accessible. I was exposed to softer versions even before age 7 through movies. Then in high school, access was rampant. My classmates and I viewed it in classrooms and surrounding buildings using portable DVD players. Overtime, this contributed to a perverted view of women. Though I had been raised predominantly by women and cultivated some level of respect because of their contribution to my body. Still, I viewed them as objects meant to fulfill my insatiable sexual desires.
A few years ago, I decided to battle this addiction. I thought that pornography would undermine the aims I had at the time. I mustered some strength to avoid it after I did research on its negative impacts on the body and mind. One crucial factor that I considered; was how it affected my ability to have physical sex. I read many articles of the negative impacts of porn and read online forums with dialogues of people discussing the way it affected them.
After doing much research on this, I reduced the time I viewed it and then I eventually abstained from it. My motive was frivolous, nevertheless, my abstinence served the intended purpose. But the interest in it remained in my psyche. In addition, my previous perception of women had not changed.
In the past few months, I have been working on adjusting my views of women. Whilst browsing YouTube, it’s algorithm suggested a video containing an interview of a porn star. I learned much about the life of this individual, her fated hardships and events leading up to her entry into the porn industry. I was also able to learn about much of the negative features experienced by the actors. From this, I developed an interest in viewing many more interviews of porn stars. As I did so, I saw common trends in the lives of these individuals. Many of whom were abuse victims, drug addicts and people looking for some form of social acceptance. I realized that I had dehumanized these women for so many years, but now I had insight into their lives. A sense of compassion developed, and a feeling of remorse for supporting their abuse ensued. Though not a complete solution, this newly gained insight contributed to a new reference in my mind. Link
I attached a link below with a playlist that contains some of the videos that I watched.
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLBEIBBdgAOAoKPnTVuMuh5omQ7Jgy9wtU
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difficult world!
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Actually, these experiences and attitudes are common and to some degree natural. We can notice that at the age of maturity/puberty even billy goats and others engage in some form of sensuality/sexuality and even perverted behaviors at time. It isn’t exclusive to humans.
The desire re-manifesting in typically young males due to loads of newly discovered/acquired testosterone is the drive. But humans use sophisticated means that exacerbate the situation. Now with access to porn on digital devices, since the crib, recent generations have immediate access to tons of pornography of all manners! By the time they are through middle to high school most have viewed more porn of their liking than their predecessors would have in the course of their entire lives! This in my experience in US public school also involves girls, for sure.
And, humans can deviate into the unnatural nilly willy so long as it is source of pleasure (unlike animals). As a counselor/life coach I come across (so far) males clients who indeed are unable to have a normal intimate relationship with their partners (no matter how hard they want and try), because within their psyche the object of desire is no longer a natural woman, but one on a glossy high caliber pixelated screen that provides instant gratification without any complications of the feel of a real person/relationship. That is how their pleasure sense and levels of endorphins are satisfied, a switch took place.
Whether all specialists agree or not that sex addiction is a genuine condition or a simple unabated indulgence to instant gratification, the trend is only getting deeper and wider. Sex sells exceptionally well, the exploitation is multifaceted. Due to increasing dependence on technology, the situation is more part of ordinary lives. It is actually weird and extraordinary to not have been consumed in titillating sex at some point.
So it is important for parents to develop the understanding of authentic communications with their children, a tall order for most. In recent distant times, marriages took place at around puberty, the drive was naturally and responsibly channel in contributing to raising a family and controlling to society.
Due to my approach (as an educator and counselor), I maintained an open communication with my son when he became a teen a couple of years ago. By understanding the pitfalls to watch out for, he knows not to overindulge given his awareness of future possible complications to his own life.
I don’t necessarily believe his claim of not partaking (anymore), and I am not wanting him to impress me, but allow him to be honest. Still his behavior might change when in college years, it may become perceived as not a big deal. Folks can go through different phases of on and off with the obsession anyways, but knowledge and understanding can help mitigate things as time progresses.
I know there is some sincerity when he expresses for instance as a young teen feeling harassed by his sex drive, a dichotomy of him versus the natural force. That perspective alone, to me demonstrate that he is not taking it for granted, unlike perhaps most young and full of cum. He knows and is aware of the energy expenditures of the indulgence.
Scaring them straight and preaching IMO may not be productive, and can make the vices more secretive and deviant, as they will resist opening up about the issue in conjugal settings. But how can parents be liable for not giving something they don’t have in terms of understanding, knowledge, awareness, time and attention.
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I am grateful for these posts started by Aniroodh Sivaraman then continued by Rishabha and I always agree with Suryananda’s advice and insights as he always adds a wealth of knowledge.
These are my thoughts around us on this site as Yogis that subscribe to InSelf Yoga philosophy.
We all can agree that sex is “natural” pervasive and essential in Nature’s system and it’s inevitable that we will be used to participate in its process throughout our many lives.
Over the last 30-40 years, humankind has considered “Natural sex” interaction as two humans having sex with one another physically. Generally, once males and females hit our puberty stage (approx. 12 years of age) our sexual interests in one another begin developing.
Now it has recently come to my attention thanks to these posts by our members that are currently using younger bodies (under 40)
Suryananda, please do not include yourself in the age group…LOL!
That this concept has fundamentally shifted in how people interact sexually. Youth are engaged in viewing sexual acts on video prior to actually having sex physically as young as 7 years old.
Whoa! I could even not imagine that in my time.
As InSelf Yogis, we know that simultaneously we are experiencing this psychically during both acts but even a step further.
We also know that our aim is to liberate ourselves from this vicious cycle. So whether we view it as “natural” is irrelevant towards our aim.
But we should be able to see that this porngraphy is a problem for us spanning a couple generations due to the increase in media technology phenomenon.
As InSelf Yogis, our Point of View (POV) matters!
By us viewing this from the technology’s POV, we are damaging our psychic perception.
Does it affect our POV that we do not see the director telling the actors what to do or how to perform the scene for the camera?
Are there make-up artists on set, hiding or covering up physical flaws?
Are the actors taking any types of drugs to enhance their performance and stamina (i.e. erection, multiple orgasms)?
How many times has the video been edited or re-shot?
In our practice, we are continually examining from which location and what clarifying mode are we viewing an experience.
So should we not be careful with conflating particular behaviors as “natural” when indeed they may not.
What do I mean??? Let’s think about it….
Now we have to investigate this… since everything has a positive and a negative side.
We have to evaluate if this is this better or is it worse for us as human beings?
Is having sex physically with another human being the same as viewing two other human beings having sexual intercourse for ungodly length of time??
How does it affect my POV of the sexual acts and those involved? Are we viewing this logically or illogically?
How does this affect my Prathyar practice? Does it improve or degrade it?
Lastly, can I back track to understand how I arrived at this place so I can ultimately drop this destructive habit?
Please know that I am not writing this from my high perch looking down on those of us who struggling with this addiction.
During my generation (Generation X – born 1965-1979) Watching others having sex on film or magazines was damn near impossible. I remember in my teen years, an uncle visiting us from England and finding his “Playboy” magazines on the floor in my closet. I remember being so shocked to see the cover with a naked woman on it and even more terrified to think about touching it.
By time I was in my late teens, there was an occasion where a buddy had a VHS tape of porngraphy and invite some guys over to watch while his parents were out of town. So the opportunities for viewing porn on a regular basis was not readily available.
However, in my late twenties into thirties where it was more available for viewing. I admittedly became addicted and struggled with it for years which altered my POV of the women that I was sexually involved with during that time. For about a decade or so of this life, I was unable to sit a my computer without visiting and browsing a porn website.
Now it’s been more than 7 plus years since I have dropped this habit and I credited it to the breath infusion practice InSelf philosophy and reading “Masturbation Psychic Details” and “Sex You” to pull myself out of that massive hole.
Lastly, I appreciate the bravery of these younger members of this forum with sharing their experiences and beginning to tackle this issue….
I have no doubt this is like the Marvel movies…..“To Be Continued!”
