Student and Teacher Disappear
A couple of weeks ago I was meditating outside. It happened to be at the time of a zoom meditation where my teacher would be present. I was disinclined to zoom in and opted to sit outside on the deck. Upon seating myself comfortably and stably, I mentally called out to Ajahn Chaiya as I have done regularly since meeting him at his monastery in Las Vegas (Chaiya Meditation Monastery) over 8 years ago.
"Teacher! Teacher!" I mentally called. I made an energetic connection almost immediately. "I am in the meditation but am not in the zoom." With that connection was a closeness, as if we were side by side without any space between.
Almost immediately upon recognizing the closeness and the connection, we both vanished. In a split second there was neither teacher or student. All that remained was a state of knowing.
That knowing was characterized by both emptiness and fullness, or emptiness and completeness. Emptiness is not nothingness. Within the emptiness was a supreme sense of security and absence of fear. These were known. There is just knowing and awareness. I reflected, "It is such. It is just like this."
Emptiness is something. And its nature is to cognize or to know.
That state of awareness lasted 15-20 minutes after which ordinary awareness of myself as a person resumed.
In contrast to inSelf yoga teachings, this shift into emptiness where all sense of a person or of being a person is gone, falls right in line with the Buddha's teaching of annatta (no permanent entity or self).
Who is the builder of self identity? How does a self emerge from primordial ignorance?
Upon attaining enlightenment, the Buddha first uttered this Sutta titled, The House Builder. He said:
Through the round of many births I roamed,without reward, without rest,seeking the house builder. Painful is birth again and again.
House builder you are seen!You will not build a house again.
All your rafters are broken,the ridgepole dismantled,immersed in dismantling, the mindhas attained the end of craving.
In the state of emptiness there is no craving and the selves are absent as well. That is my experience to date.
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Very interesting description of the meditation experience.
Thanks for posting!
Gives clarity about that type of meditation.
Shows the passage to that existential state and the return journey.
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Beautiful post Marcia Beloved
Thanks for sharing this rare experience!
I have experienced similar or near similar states and it gives confidence and new reference to move forward!
Looks like one of samadhi's where the rupa (shape and form) are dissolved.
Buddha's suttas are beautiful!
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Ani, after reading your Cosmic Consciousness post, I saw a few omissions in my post so I will add a couple notations here:
1) tears
In the emptiness the physical eyes secreted tears. I feel this is related to the concentration. Tears kept slowly rolling down the cheeks every minute or so as if in slow motion.
2) awareness of the body and what is happening in the external environment.
The “knowing” is the dominant feature and that is a bodiless knowing which was still aware that there was a physical form and an environment around it. Sounds were heard like the birds chirping and the skin also felt sensations (like the tears rolling down the cheeks). However that is all happening at a distance. The inner and the outer are clearly delineated as if being separate realms altogether.
3) I try not to think about it too much or analyze it. It’s pretty much out of my control and I’m grateful to get these shifts whenever they arise.
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Thanks, Marcia.
- My entire cosmic consciousness happened with opened eyes, not a minute did I close my eye or did any internalization.
But every 3-4 minutes, your eyes get dry and you open-close your eyelids momentarily to wet them and that's when tears were pouring out.
In my case, everything was an open eye.
2. There was knowing penetrating in multiple dimensions, physical and higher consciousness states.
All the earthly things were going and moving around, but the knowing is penetrating from earth to Sky (akasha), and knowing the lower states doesn't bother me anymore when you are anchored in that higher zone.
My experience in Cosmic Consciousness did not stop my body's biological time clock, but the time clock at the cosmic consciousness state did not even exist.
3. When I recollect that experience, it erases all the flash memory and brings it back to null state and is overwhelming, and too much recollection goes into a state of subtle bliss and creates too much aloofness.
So, aloof I get that, I hardly even move my toe and slowly that will nose dive into tamas or lethargy/ lazy mode.
So, cautiously I retrieve this experience from my memory, that any overuse will lead to Laziness or Over-aloofness, or even arrogance mixed with disgust when I come in contact when material energies/ people.
That's my experience
