Liberation Interest Investigated

A few weeks ago, I contemplated my sincerity towards the yogic path. Was I really interested in liberation? Over the past year or so, I developed the bright idea that my Core self was supportive of my quest for a transfer to a spiritual environment. However, through observations, I came to understand that this was just a grand idea conjured by the intellect and it had no bearing on reality. The verdict was final, a genuine interest in liberation was surely lacking. This conclusion was drawn from observations in meditation, where the Core self's relationship with the kundalini lifeforce, and the intellect were assessed. 

The Core self seems more concerned with its reliance on its adjuncts for experiences which it deems valuable in the psychic material environment. To achieve liberation, it would have to relinquish the advantages provided by its accomplices, the psychic adjuncts. Notably, the kundalini lifeforce and the buddhi intellect. Liberation, as it was defined in my psyche, appears to be a lofty idea, where the interest is to exploit conveniences in a “better” environment free of inconveniences. However, this idea of liberation is still supported by the reference of using the psychic adjuncts which enslaves the Core self. Compelling it to helplessly go along with the flow in existence.  

The psyche pursues sensual gratification in the psychic material environment. Then when faced with challenges, it laments and tries to avoid the environment’s negative features. In my case, I pursued yoga after encountering financial and material challenges. Yoga was seen as a tool to help alleviate those challenges. When it failed in that regard, I tried prematurely to turn away from the material world. This supposed new desire masked the real desire, which was for life to improve materially. I asked myself, would I be pursuing liberation had I been provided with the means to fulfill my desires at the time? I proposed this idea in a conversation with Madhva. His comments were as follows: “It is very rare to find a person who will pursue liberation without getting the shit kicked out of them by material nature.” He then mentioned the story of Pingala in the Uddhava Gita Explained (3.22-3.44) which elaborated on his point.  

We also spoke about Kunti’s dialogue with Lord Krishna in the Mahabharata. That dialogue went something like this: Kunti said that “when things are rough, Krishna appears and visits them, but when things are going well, Krishna is nowhere to be found. She says that since that is the case, she would rather things be bad all the time so that Krishna would always be there.” In my case, things are going “well,” where the challenges that presented themselves at the time I sought yoga, are not a botheration currently. This is due to “improved” material circumstances, in addition to a new perspective cultivated by breath infusion practice and higher spiritual associations. 

Now, the driving interest in the psyche appears to be dharmic lifestyle. Where reliance on the psychic material environment remains. But my relation to it has changed. Nevertheless, the practice continues due to inspiration and supportive energy from elevated and/or divine beings. In addition to an instinct to reform the psyche.