Intellectual Understanding vs. Direct Insight
I have long accdepted that: I am not the body.
That is an elementary understanding for a spiritual seeker, right? Recently, though, I had a meditative insight that highlighted my ignorance.
I awoke early in the morning. Having gotten a solid 8 hours rest (a rarity in my older years), I was not groggy. I opted to meditate while reclining in bed. There was:
- the observing mind
- awareness of there being a body
As I lay there I watched the urges to move physical limbs and change postures. If I moved, I did so after observing the intention to move. As the default methods, I noted the breathing in and breathing out of the body or I simply centered awareness at the mind. If a thought or a train of thoughts appeared, it was clear as it transpired and I promptly returned the focus back to the mind or to the breathing, which ever was more easeful.
After a short while, there was a subtle annoyance with the body's dissatisfaction to remain still. It was then that the insight that I identified as the body, was known. It sounds like a non-event, but even as this knowledge arose, there was disappointment that I still identified as a body. Immediately following, there was appreciation that I saw and knew this. On a very subtle level, I saw the delusion of bodily identification. I can't explain it any more than this. I can only emphasize how significant it was, even though it was something I just KNEW but didn't actually see.
I continued the meditation and looked to see if the identification with the body disappeared as a result of having had the insight. It wasn't clear. I was still in the mind chamber but I wasn't sure of my status. I remained in the mind chamber a short while longer and then got out of bed to begin daily activities.
The delusion really is like a virus. It has to be eradicated eventually in order to be freed from taking samsaric appearances. I'm grateful for the insight. One of the previously unknown enemies of liberation has been forced into the open. I'm not sure what to do with this insight, but obviously there is still much work to do and more insights to gain.
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It seems to me that the observing mind = I, as the word I is used above.
It seems also that this observing mind did not or could not experience itself totally apart from the body. The observing mind found enough evidence of itself as being different to the body but still the evidence was not objective enough for a pronounced declaration about the distinction of the two.
This may be because the observing mind is itself the reference for itself and for the body. It is like removing coolness from ice?
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Beautiful response. Deep insight.
- [Body ⇆ Mind] ← Atma (Madhva's response)
- [Coolness ⇆ Ice] ← Atma (Observer) (Madhva's Analogy)
- [Coolness ⇆ Ice (Observer)] (Marcia's method)
Ice and Coolness are distinct but near impossible to separate. Coolness is an inherent expression of ice.
Body & mind are distinct but they inherently express with each other.
Just laid out the methods for comparison.
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That comment surprised me! I think it’s a correct assessment of what transpired.
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Beautiful post, Marcia.
I face a very similar situation when I fully or partially suspend Kundalini and go into a dead body pose and vow to remain still.
But after 30-40 minutes, slowly like a snake, I start twitching and then pressure builds till I yield in to get back to my daily routine.
I have noticed all these pressure arising in citta (mind):
- Daily obligation weight
- Social/ peer pressure
- Cultural activity pressure
- Ancestral pressure
- to build wealth/ status or to serve one who builds wealth
- Relatives pressure to serve them
- Media pressure to follow or support some icon
- Identifying with one's clan, race, or nation itself is a burden
- Then one will be forced to support such icons of race or clan
- Such icons of race or clan have a providential right to demand your attention or space in Chitta.
- Identifying with one's clan, race, or nation itself is a burden
90 minutes of kundalini, yoga can withstand only 30-40 minutes of body stillness (forget the mind stillness, that's super difficult even for 10 seconds).
One trick, I use to keep my body still is by keep changing the postures of meditation.
- In a dead man's pose, I can stay for 30-40 mins
- now, instead of giving up, I continue, my body wants a change. I give it in exchange of stillness
- I will change the posture to padmasana and be for 20 mins unitl body wants to change again
- Now, I will change the pose to the side dead man's pose for 10 mins
- Then, walk to the sofa, and lay there for 5 mins.
- That's how I trick the mind to keep the body still.
It works decent enough so far until I find a sophisticated method.
This is a body stillness response or method, not at chitta or mind's insight level. This is more basic, compared to your insight.
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After reading Michael’s comment I felt inclined to lay down for rest. I drew the curtains in my room and laid on side. I questioned myself. What wants to rest? If the body sleeps, does that mean the mind sleeps? What would slerp? Nothing sleeps. (Well maybe the brain shuts down but the mind and body do not sleep.)
The body assumed a side posture and remained as a log or a rock. It was as if dead. This time the mind was more concentrated and the very subtle urges to move did not affect it. Everything was sorted out and separate. Body was body. Sense bases were the sense bases. Thinking/ mental operations were just that. None of it affected the concentrated mind.
Ive experienced levels of consciousness beyond the mind and sense bases. I’ve experienced states of greater stillness, but this zone where insight arises and things are investigated, is truly amazing.
I read Ani’s comments after this “sequel” attempt. I have almost no responsibilities but mostly my life consists of being useful wherever I am while staying out of peoples’ business. Also noted is that I have done no kundalini breath infusion for at least 6 years. Ive been deliberately trying to be more intuitive and less methodical. I feel like there’s a righteous psychic wish that carries one towards the desired goal. Those times when everything gels just right are very special.
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Interesting!
Thanks, Marcia for the post.
Self-investigation (Sanskrit term: Atma-Vichara), is a very strong and common process in Advaita school of philosophy. Ramana Maharshi, Ashtavakara, Adi Shankara, etc are done very similar investigations like this.
You are investigating the core of awareness.
- If the body sleeps, does the mind also sleep?
- Who thinks about that thought? (Mind thinks about mind!)
- Who is the witness, and who is the thinker?
- Is the witness, singular or pervasive?
These books are very much useful for your investigation: (Classic Bibles of Advaita (Non-Duality):
- Who am I - Ramana
- Ashtavakara Gita - Ashtavakara
- Vivekachudamani - by Adi Shankara
They are transcendentalists and reach the bliss state by a simple investigation into themselves. These methods do not involve any kundalini yoga (some even say it is not needed or spoke against it as being basic to their methods)
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I started reading the Ashtavakra Gita. It really goes overboard on declarations of being the Lord, being in everything and having everything in oneself. It speaks of actions not mattering and that one can simply wander. All of this might be true, especially in that historical cultural context, however it is not really my interest. I could believe it or not but I don’t think my confidence could rest in it.It is not the same as Buddha’s teaching. Buddha preached adherence to a strict moral discipline. One may see beyond differentiation of right and wrong in states of consciousness but he often emphasized that one’s actions matter. One is to strive to perfect loving kindness, sympathetic joy, compassion and equanimity. Of these, equanimity strikes a chord with Advaita but I’m not sure about the others. In Buddhism, these are taught in order to qualify oneself for a shift to the supramundane. I don’t feel think Advaita and Buddhism are the same.
I also do not have an inclination to dwelling in bliss states. I don’t trust bliss. Maybe if I ever experience “supreme” bliss I would never abandon it! For now, for me, bliss is shifty. It is inconstant. Stillness is more what I long for. In stillness I have tasted security, contentment, fullness.
What I share on this Forum is my experience. I’m not trying to fit it into a neat belief box any more. Teachings have changed throughout the centuries. Interpolations have been added. Omissions took place. Oral repetition is not perfect.
I’m looking for the essence, not the convention. I find it helpful to share experiences and hear of others’ experience. Direct insight is what I strive for and what I wish for others.
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Beautiful, there are nuances and interpolations in Advaita and Buddhism.
All forms of Advaita are not the same which applies to all forms of Buddhism.
On the surface, they may all look the same but there are several layers and differences within them.
I am glad, you are seeking for essence that the convention.
That's a beautiful line, wish you all success in your endeavor!
Keep us updated as you find more and more!
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Quote:
“I also do not have an inclination to dwelling in bliss states. I don’t trust bliss. Maybe if I ever experience “supreme” bliss I would never abandon it! For now, for me, bliss is shifty. It is inconstant. Stillness is more what I long for. In stillness I have tasted security, contentment, fullness.
What I share on this Forum is my experience. I’m not trying to fit it into a neat belief box any more. Teachings have changed throughout the centuries. Interpolations have been added. Omissions took place. Oral repetition is not perfect.
I’m looking for the essence, not the convention. I find it helpful to share experiences and hear of others’ experience. Direct insight is what I strive for and what I wish for others.“
I find the above noble and personally relatable.
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Marcia Beloved Thanks Marcia for sharing this. "Direct insight" is the only way. Keep on striving!
