Higher Consciousness Series-1: Cosmic Consciousness
October 2009, Trichy, Tamil Nadu, India
I was 17 at this time. I just entered college and it was a tumultuous phase of my life.
I just entered college which is more than 250 miles away from my home. And then I had typhoid ( later on I had even more typhoid fevers), and a lot of psychic pressure, and the fate was so bad that I was getting stuck in several unrelated problems and there was a lot of psychic pressure. After 2 months, things got slowly resolved and it was getting back to normal.
In my hostel room (Agate) in room no. 50, I was lying in my bed and there was a nearby window thru which I can see the sky. As usual, that day I put both my legs on top of the window grill and look into the sky (akasha), and enjoyed the view.
I was basic spiritual for a teenage boy level and trained for 10 years in Dwaita, Vedic, Sanskrit hymns, and deity worship by a Madhva-Brahmin Vaishnavite lady, she was doing it as a free service as part of Sathya Sai Baba's program. I was attracted to her from age 7 but not to Sathya Sai Baba, I did try a few years to develop bhakti towards him but it did not manifest, for some reason I kept staring at his hairstyle with intrigue rather than calling him Bhagwan. That was all my spiritual background till then, no formal yoga training until I was 25-26, I was a basic teengaer with some theistic training.
So, now putting my legs on top of the window grill (in a weird pose) and looking into the sky, an inspiration came into my heart.
I was doing neti-neti (without knowing what it was at that time), negating-negating and started mentally saying these at my heart base:
- I am not a student
- I am not a devotee
- I am not a school student
- I am not a college student
- I am not a son to my mother
- I am not a son to my father
- I am not a son of my maternal uncle (dearest to me)
- I am not a grandson to my grandpa and granny (dearest to me)
- I am not obligated to my family, society
I was tired at that point of carrying all these obligations over my shoulder and chest, this was spontaneous and I meant it from the heart base with deep conviction. Even when I was dissolving the relationship with my dearest, there was not a single hesitation, it happened almost so naturally and instantaneously like ghee (clarified butter) turning into the oil. Even now, when complex energy from my closest relation comes, I take a moment to think before discarding it, that attachment is still there, but at that time all attachment melted away easily.
Akasha is a Sanskrit word for sky and also for space/ ether
This is how cosmic consciousness was unfolding:
- after murmuring those 9 phrases and staring into the sky,
- I slipped into a state of cosmic consciousness
- The distance between my chest and the sky (akasha) is not distinguishable, in fact, the distance is dissolved
- The vertical distance between me and the sky is zero now, I can't differentiate between me and sky
- Who is who, where is where (between my self and Akasha)
- Now, my consciousness is spreading radially/ horizontally in every single direction from me in the sky
- I was the boundaries expanding the akasha and at the same time at the center of the akasha
- Quickly, before I realized it was going from me, I did not know where I started and ended
- Looked like I was dissolved and I did not know which is my consciousness and cosmic consciousness
- I was expanding, expanding, expanding with no limit
- there was no anxiety about hitting the limit, I never cared or even knew the concept of limit at that state.
- All the expansion was bliss, bliss, bliss, most sublime bliss with no excitation
- I was partially aware of all things happening in my rooms, my roommates talking but I was constantly in link with cosmic consciousness too as if the earthly things did not bother me
- No hunger, no thirst, no insecurity, only bliss, my chest was the sky (akasha) at that time.
- Where I started and where I ended were not known
- After 6-7 hours, I was let go and I came back to physical consciousness
- Profusely tears were coming from my eyes, and my t-shirt was drenched in it for hours
- Time stopped totally or there was no concept of time, 6-7 hours in that state felt like 10-20 mins here
- When Space was dissolved, there was no concept of time there. Felt like I was the space expanding and where is time or what do you even mean by the concept of time, Time cannot exist there
- There was no space-time fabric, I was the Ever-Expanding Space in that dimension, where is the beginning and the end,
- Very very subtle causeless cosmic love exists there and could be felt there (hard to describe) that penetrates all space like a more subtle ether in a subtle ether! You can see that same love in all beings in this dimension in various forms!
I leave it there!
This was the cosmic consciousness experience. I was narrating this once briefly to Maddhva on a different topic thinking it was chit-Akash (sky of consciousness), then he confirmed it was cosmic consciousness.
What was interesting is:
- I became Advaiti instantly, all 10 years of dwaitic teaching vanished there (I again become dwaiti after 12 years when I met Madhva again), acknowledged paramatmas bur accepted brahman effulgence as the ultimate
- I thought I merged with brahman effulgence and that's the end, a new spiritual reference was set
- Several old basic dogmas and rituals could not stick to my psyche, it opened the door to higher experiences
- The self and consciousness were there all the time, but space-time coordinates collapsed
- I raised my right index finger to the sky and a thoughtless message I received was: everything is one, came from one, and merges back into one
Madhva explained back in the day, that I temporarily merged and came back.
- It is like holding a live current wire, when you hold it that current runs thru you;
- you and the wire become one for some time,
- after some time when someone switches off the power,
- then you will be separated from the wire and you both are different.
- This experience is similar to that.
I was given this experience by some Siddha or Deity, but ultimately I came back to be where I was in that smelly room.
This is one such cosmic experience of mine, there could be several dimensions within it.
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Thank you for sharing! This is the type of experience that one reads about but now I have heard a personal account from someone who directly experienced it.
The experience stands on its own. I certainly wouldn't challenge or doubt anything. I wondered about the experience of advaiti and dwaitic. I don't have a clear idea of what those are.
Also, I had some reflections on the following:
...and started mentally saying these at my heart base:
- I am not a student
- I am not a devotee etc.
The heart base is where it all started with your mental neti neti recitations. In Buddhism, all the consciousnesses originate at the heart base, excepting that which arises at the 5 sesnse bases of ear, nose, tongue, skin, eyes. All the mental and emotional stuff arises at the heart base. All these consciousnesses are a part of the sense of self or the sense of a permanent identity.
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...Very very subtle causeless cosmic love exists there and could be felt there (hard to describe) that penetrates all space like a more subtle ether in a subtle ether! You can see that same love in all beings in this dimension in various forms!
Now, my consciousness is spreading radially/ horizontally in every single direction from me in the sky
Also in my experience, cosmic love arises at my heart region. From there it may radiate in all directions unlimitedly. It can be intense. And you saw also that love in all beings. Yes! It is everywhere in the vast existence but ignorance keeps us from seeing it.
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...No hunger, no thirst, no insecurity, only bliss, my chest was the sky (akasha) at that time.
You said your chest was the sky at that time. Yes! From the heart base that consciousness arises. I think I get a sense of how there is no longer any separation (between the sky and your chest). That consciousness radiates outwards from your hear base and extends unlimitedly. Perhaps you are seeing your own love/bliss! In Buddhism, all these types of profound consciousnesses are said to arise and thus are of the nature to disband. I can imagine having a conversation with my teacher if I had this experience and I suspect he would say that it falls into the shamatha/tranquility experiences. This category of experience does not lead to nibanna. It gives peace and bliss which ultimately does not last as you said:
I was given this experience by some Siddha or Deity, but ultimately I came back to be where I was in that smelly room.
It is prone to arising and disbanding. It is said to be easy to get stuck there and feel that liberation has been attained.
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As for being given this experience by some Siddha or Deity. I think that may be true in part, however, it could only be triggered in such association if you had practiced and purified yourself sufficiently to be a worthy recipient. In Buddhism we would say that the virtues perfections are sufficient and therefore what seems to be grace from a Deity may in fact be the result and consequence of your accumulated virtues (paramis). In fact, my teacher commented to me very soon after we met, that it was my good fortune that I had sufficient paramis (virtues/morality) to find the temple and receive teachings.
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I have rambled enough! Please forgive any misunderstanding on my part, which may have led to my saying anything inappropriate about your experience.
May your wishes and spiritual goals be fulfilled.
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Thanks, Marcia Beloved, every experience is unique and stands on its foundation of reality in this vast existence. And we are putting them into a readable format in this dimension for benefit of ourselves and others, it will be guiding posts!
Regarding the advaiti and dwaitic. Let me elucidate a little bit about it.
There are six schools of philosophy in Hinduism (in India):
- Sankhya/ Dvaita (Dualism)
- Yoga
- Vedanta/ Advaita (Non-Dualism)
- Nyaya
- Vaisheshika
- Mimamsa
These 6 schools become 3 or multiply into 12, based on amalgamations of philosophies, or each one break into even smaller schools. But usually, these schools are classified as shad-darśana (Six-philosophies/ perspectives/ viewpoints).
There is one more division among them āstika and nāstika philosophies which literally means Āstika (Sanskrit: आस्तिक; from Sanskrit: asti, 'there is, there exists', believes in Self) and Nāstika (Sanskrit: na, 'not' + āstika, does not believe in self).
So, all 6 schools listedabove can exist in 2 divisions based on the belief of self, so 2x6 = 12.
There can be even more permutations and combinations like 2 x 6 x 5 = 60 schools like Astika-Dvaita-Advaita (Dvaitadvaita).
That's an overview of schools in Hinduism and the potential for multiplicity just like several schools in Buddhism like Theravada, Mahayana, Vajrayana, etc.
Advaita Vedanta (Non-Dualism) :
By 8th century CE, all of the Indian sub-continent (Thailand, Sri Lanka, Burma, Indonesia) was filled with Buddhist schools, and Vedic and Hindu schools were in decline mode.
Adi Shankara (700-750? CE) was born in Southern India and he changed the entire spiritual landscape of India. He lived only 30-35 years, exact dates are missing but nevertheless, his works are today's foundation of all Advaitic/ Vedantic Schools like Swami Vivekananda, Ramakrishna Math, and several modern organizations.
He vigorously debated Buddhist scholars on the existence of self and other subjects and by winning the debates all over India, he quite literally drove Buddhism to the corners and brought back the main school Hinduism and Vedas. It is an irony that a great saint like Gautama Buddha was born in India but there is no Buddhism left in India.(I meant mainstream)
The legend says Adi Shankara was one of the Rudras, he left the energy behind in India to block the Buddhism spread and drove Advaita Vedanta to its peaks. The energy is still running very high. He reinvigorated the old and lost Advaita Vedanta into new heights from 750 AD.
Advaita (Non-Dualist): Not to be confused with non-dualism mentioned in Bhagavad Gita (which is Sankhya texts), here the non-dualism is there are no 2 categories of Atma i.e. Jivatama (Limited Being) and Parmatma (Ultimate being), there is only one transcendental atma (self).
So, the Advaita Vedanta school believes in Core-Self and says all Core-self are the same and ultimately merge into Brahman Effulgence and be permanently there, there is no way back. There is a bandwidth within Advaita too, some become atheistic, theistic, knowledge-based, yoga-based, etc.
In non-duality, there are no limited individual souls (Jivatman), and there are no separate unlimited cosmic soul (Paramatma). All souls and their existence across space and time are considered to be the same oneness. Spiritual liberation in Advaita is the full comprehension and realization of oneness, that one's unchanging Atman (soul) is the same as the Atman in everyone else, as well as being identical to Brahman (this para taken from Wikipedia)
The cosmic consciousness experience I had is from this transcendental reality more accurately described in Advaita (as mentioned above)
That's a basic overview of Advaita (Non-dualist school)
Sankhya-Dvaita (Dualism):
Sankhya-Dvaita has been there even for a very long time and even Krishna spoke about it in Gita. Again with the advent of Buddhism, almost all schools of Hinduism were running dry, with Adi Shankara's Advent things started changing and Hinduism schools were slowly striving again but Advaita-Vedanta was the superstar among the schools in terms of popularity and reach to the masses. Adi Sankara set 4 Math or Bases in 4 directions of India and placed is 4 supreme disciples and they were running the Math Lineage to peaks for several centuries, even today the math (Base) in all 4 directions are very powerful in terms of power and fame (at times, they faced some downs too but mainly ups), Swami Rama (a great yogi) also served as Acharya briefly in one of the Shankara Math (Base).
So, now it is a Herculean task for anyone who comes later to steer the momentum in Dvaita (Dualist) direction. Around 1200 AD, Madhvacharya was also born in southern India and went to learn the Sankhya philosopy from Vyasa in Himalayas. He was the feircest critic of Advaita (Non-Dualism) and Shankara Works.
He reinvigorated the Sankhya- Dualist School of philosophy and single-handedly bought the Sankhya-Dvaita to the mainstream, which was a big task back in the day when Advaita was ruling every street. He won several debates all over India with Advaities and established Math or Bases to take forward the Maddhva lineage of Sankhya philosophy. He is also considered one of the Vayu Deities (Air or wind).
Dwaita declares there are two types of self: Jivaatma (limited-beings) and Parama-atma (Ultimate Being).
Purusha (Subtle body, core-self + adjuncts) of Jivatmas is bonded to Prakriti (Subtle Material Nature). The human experience is an interplay of Purusha-Prakriti, Purusha being conscious of the various combinations of cognitive activities. The end of the bondage of Purusha to Prakriti is called liberation or Kaivalya (Isolation) by the Sankhya school. (this para was taken from Wikipedia)
That's another brief overview of Madhvacharya and Dvaita's school of philosophy.
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Now coming to my statement of changing sides from Dvaita to Advaita to Dvaita, (haha, such a long preview before answering your simple question, sorry for the length, your question demanded it):
Age 7 to 17: Dvaita (10 years, basic dvaitic training at child-teen level: Bhagavad Gita, Ramayana, Puranas)
Age 17 to 29: Advaita (12 years of Experiential learning of Advaita, several Transcendental Oneness experinces, Reading Upanishads, Adi Shankara's Works, Shivananda works)
Age 29 to until now: Dvaita (Studying higher level of Bhagvad Gita, Uddhava Gita, Ramayana, Puranas again)
I was like an alternating current between Dvaita and Advaita, not planned it just happened. I found myself in each camp and much later realized I was in the opposite camp. Both the camps are very accepting but the psyche struggles to accept the new camp instantaneously.
Two very opposing and quite inimical camps (cautiously stating it), so shifting between them is not a psychically easy task. Tectonic psychic forces are needed to push one from one side to another.
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So, practically let me tell you about an incident, it could be funny now but I was spooked and scared:
When I first met Michael Beloved lot of things were unfolding (ups & downs), but after 2 days, during a evening while I was holding his book on Bhagvad Gita Kriya Yoga, I saw another name there "Madhvacharya".
When I read it, I read it as "Madhava-Acharya", Madhava is a common Vishnu or Krishna Name, so my mind read it that way. I was like okay, he is a vaishnavite and it is common to have a Vishnu name.
Michael Beloved then corrected me, it was not "Madhava", it is "Madhva" and he said he got that name in an ashram from an acharya when he raised "2 fingers". (Remember in my cosmic consciousness post, I raised one finger after that experience [there is a symbolism to fingers here, that alternating energy is running over centuries]).
Seeing 2 fingers raised psychically unsettled me. I was like wait, you mean Dvaita proponent "Madhva" and he silently and cautiously nodded with that look he gives with an angle.
I got super spooked and I thought "Oh sh**, I have been super Advaiti all this time over a decade and I am sitting in front of a Dvaiti, I am going to get cursed and burned now".
I was rubbing my back on that patio chair cushion and my mouth froze and dry and taking a gulp of saliva into my throat, wondering what is going to befall me and unknowingly I entered this opposite camp without knowing the dangers, I wish I am spared today. (Today, I get chuckles when I type this, but I was spooked so badly that day)
But he was very kind and very understanding of my background. Advaiti schools inject a Dwaiti resistance energy into the psyche (vice-versa) and I struggled psychically for 10 months with lot of help from others to understand Dvaita and reconfigure my psyche.
It is a considerable struggle, it is not easy to overcome. I have to highlight this.
Ultimately, whichever path one is destined to seek salvation, one should quickly settle in that path and quickly reconfigure the psyche pertaining to that path or guru, no point in trying to salvage old glories or interjecting other systems into new systems.
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Thanks for that detailed explanation on the philosophical schools in India. It is complex but helpful to have a basic understanding.
Thanks for telling your personal encounter with Madhva (Michael Beloved). Good luck on your inSelf yoga practice!
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"You said your chest was the sky at that time. Yes! From the heart base that consciousness arises. I think I get a sense of how there is no longer any separation (between the sky and your chest). That consciousness radiates outwards from your heart base and extends unlimitedly. Perhaps you are seeing your own love/bliss! In Buddhism, all these types of profound consciousnesses are said to arise and thus are of the nature to disband. I can imagine having a conversation with my teacher if I had this experience and I suspect he would say that it falls into the shamatha/tranquility experiences. This category of experience does not lead to nibanna. It gives peace and bliss which ultimately does not last as you said"
Let me elucidate a little more on this. In that case, when my chest was in the sky, I have a difficulty in stating if my subtle body was in the sky (akasha) or even if my subtle body even existed in that dimension.
In that 21 points, I was describing cosmic conciouness using a combination of:
- first-person account (described as a Core-self)
- third-person narration (Objectivity, to give the properties of that place)
- Dissolution of self (described as cosmic consciousness itself)
- poetic/ aphorisms (to cover the abstractness)
Because there is no one style enough to explain it. And giving a common reference with respect to the physical or subtle body is also not enough to cover the experience.
I started with the physical body reference and went directly to dissolution or mergence. I skipped the subtle body stage because I don't think I experienced an astral projection of my subtle body in that dimension.
I can't even say I was floating or visiting in that dimension, subtle body or astral projection of subtle body just cannot exist there. All identities manufactured with contact with Prakriti (subtle & grass Material Nature) has to be dissolved to be in that dimension (that's how neti-neti works)
- I was "that" in "that" dimension.
- Conscious Existence was there.
- I was "that" and I was that "only" existence in "that" ever-expanding space.
- I am "that".
- In "that" dimension, there can be "Only One" and you should be "that" or you just can't be "there"
It is an impersonal reality, only ever-expanding conscious space existed.
Sorry, this is the best way to explain that dimension accurately. It hardly gives any information than a bunch of "thats" but that's how it can be explained accurately. And that dimension is true, it can't be called fantasy.
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I started with a physical reference but the cosmic experience cannot be boxed within the chest area (both physical or subtle). It is a good physical reference to start with.
The chest area (Hrdaya) might have portals to more such high dimensions where no identities can exist including self. Also to places where celestial beings and Paramatmas exist.
Cosmic love was present in that dimension in a super subtle form but you don't really care about that when you are that in that dimension. The chest could be a portal thru which cosmic love can radiate or Comic love can also radiate thru multiple portals other than the chest or the space itself is enshrined with cosmic love like an invisible atmosphere. I did not research cosmic love as much, just observed it parallely. If I find something in the future, I will publish it.
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That’s a good clarification. Because I do not focus on a subtle body or identify as being a subtle body person, I particularly like the neti neti references. Also you explained nicely how cosmic consciousness is by its essence an impersonal reality. I think the value in these posts ( mine and yours) is the first person account, the bare direct experience without infusing preconceptions into the telling. The thinking mind will distort everything and my goal is to keep stripping that down.
