Guru-Shishya Series - 6: Prakriti's Most Brutal Teacher!!!

Oct 2021 - Feb 2022

Chennai, India

Deity ordered my visit to India for marriage:

I have written in detail about the family Guardian deity's wish for me to immediately go to India and finish the marriage and ancestral obligation.

1. Ancestral Force Series-1: Deity's reprimand and Energy given for Ancestral obligation
2. Ancestral Force Series-2: Ancestral Obligations stops Sannyasa (renunciation) 

At that point in time, the US embassies were closed in India due to offices getting COVID and COVID restrictions were at their peak at that time and borders were closed. I was scared to go to India because I may not know if I would be able to come back again.

But after Deity's reprimand astrally (on Sept 25, 2021), I threw everything and flew in the next 2 weeks I thought I would never return but things somehow fell into place by her and guru's grace and I came back to work. There was a lot of pressure and uncertainties at that time, but whenever Deity or Gurus say something my bones were coded to enact it immediately.

There is a reason, I say that my bones and subtle body went to a hard grinding in several of my previous births just to enact the instructions of the spiritual teachers because it is so tough to follow as it is in direct battle and resistance building to materialistic energy/ Prakriti. It is an uphill battle. Many don't have this, I have seen people who defy it easily, I will talk more about this at the end of this post.

Most Brutal Teacher:

I previously asked my guru Madhva to prevent me from going to India and told him, I am done once I set foot on that soil because my ancestral people and family are waiting for my head. He said, "No, No, it is good to see them and give them a refresh on your change in the psyche". 

He did warn me previously of the rough road ahead and also Swami Mukthananda indirectly hinted to me months ago. All this scared me to return to India to face the awaiting cruel reality for me. But the moment deity came and warned me with her energy, I threw everything and ran to India like a madman, suspended all thinking, and just followed orders. 

Every time extreme pressure from Prakriti (Nature/ Fate) is awaiting me around the corner, the psyche starts hinting at it and automatically opens certain codes in my psyche to unleash my full countering spiritual austere energy to counter the material energy. The code started running, due to sluggish life in this life for almost 29 years in the body, the code was not kicking in instantly and it is taking days now.

The teacher awaiting me in India was the "Fear of Death". It is no joke that anyone coming face to face with fear of death could survive another day. Each day was like a eon, every second felt like death and there would be excruciating mental pain and I won't be able to talk to anybody about it. All my senses would be locked. Even with my guru Madhva, I was not able to open my mouth about it until I finished the course with Death Energy for 4 full months and he helped me fight it out temporarily after coming to the USA. The words he told was "Don't transfer that energy to my plate".

In those 4 months, the fear of death was my teacher. There is a talk going around that I met some great teachers secretly in India because when I came back I was someone else. It was the Fear of Death as the teacher, Prakriti (Fate/ Providence/ Nature) sent this teacher to me. It is inevitable, everyone must face this at the end of life, few get a chance to meet at the several stages in life. I must warn one, no one should dare to call such fear of death energy or devata for fun or adventure, it is no joke. I thought I would be dead anytime by any means by this energy. I can't even step my foot outside the house.

I went thru this fear of dying even during my marriage, so much pressure inside the head, and on top of it extraordinary ancestral fights goings both astrally and physically, both had their own impact on me. I still cannot believe I am alive in this body. My first words after marriage to the spouse of this life were "Will you cry if I die tomorrow or tonight?". She was dumbstruck and I started doing yoga austerities saying my end is around the corner, and it is better I leave the body in this stage than lie in bed. That's how miserable my life was. Who wants such a miserable life? 

Ancestral Fight + Fear of Death → Ultimate pressure:

Fight after Fight after Fight, no peace in the house, and astrally several entities did not want me and my spouse to reside in the ancestral house they created extreme pressure, that I would often run away from the house to beaches far away with my spouse, poor girl she faced the same heat astrally and physically and she was not prepared or trained for this. She would cry to her father and to escape from that hell but the course of death was not over yet.

No idiot in three worlds would call ancestral pressure and turmoil funny, such people have no idea or sensitivity towards the whims, desires, and agendas of opposing groups of ancestors and how they compel every action of the entity, for a man who works hard to stick with righteous conduct or dharma, knows this pressure.

Remaining lot who do not care about dharma and lets the goose on the loose need not care about the pressure of ancestors' force and they do what they please, even though these ancestors urge 95% of the time Adharmic/ evil or non-righteous conduct and the entity dances to their tunes and ultimately cries while facing the music from fate.

More on this is written in this article: Ancestral Force Series-3: Ancestral Tug of War & Cut Throat Politics

Past life mother as spouse:

The moment I saw the bride for the first time, weeks before the marriage, I recognized that she was a mother from one of my past life and I choked instantly. And parallelly the fear of death was running its course at that time and it was getting worse in the coming weeks. I don't shed tears easily but I choked with past life emotions and my throat was choking and words were not coming out, thinking what a way to end my life with my mother as a spouse and in reflex uttered my spiritual father's name  "Ramana". Ramana sent a white ray of energy and sent a message "Hold/ Control yourself" to resist the ancestral and emotional energy exchange with the soon-to-be spouse.

We went on to sit Auto or tuk-tuk which is the common mode of transport for middle-class people in India who can't afford a car. We never had a car, so busses were the mode of commute and auto/ tuk-tuk was a luxury, we grew from lower middle class to upper middle class now to afford tuk-tuks and car taxis.

I was in a huge turmoil and Ramana was consoling me and helping to control myself. I sensed the ancestral energy in everybody's body in the tuk-tuk, all were super excited. Me, my mother, the bride, including the tuk-tuk driver(this was interesting) were excited to jump and exchange, none of us could see each other's faces in the dark as it was 9 pm but I could sense the excitement of the ancestors in everybody's body to jump into the bride's body. But the laity had no sensitivity and just brushed it aside and moved on to the next step.

What kind of game is this!? First, the fear of death is haunting me, now my past life wife who is my current life biological mother chose my other past life mother as my spouse. I thought maybe I am destined to die in the lap of more than one mother! Still, death is death, they would cry louder than others and they would move on with life. Ramana was consoling and sending energy to "Hold Tight".

Spouse's past live spouses:

Even after marriage, with all the fights with my family members and they were cold tensions between me and my spouse. Fate would inspire her to utter something insulting about my teacher or austerities and my bones will automatically eject out of the seat and go into austerities. One day, I entered the room where she was sitting and I slammed the door and I walked away because I saw a full-grown male sitting in her body. Madhva said it was one of her deceased ancestors residing in her body. I thought for long time, she was a male in a female body because I was psychically seeing a male form in her subtle body for many days unless Madhva corrected me.

And another time, when I walked into the room and I saw 5 of her past life husbands standing right next to her in a line one after another, I felt like vomiting and left the place immediately and started doing austerity thinking "What pleasure do mankind have in getting married? People said all happiness awaits after marriage, is this the happiness?" Again, I saw several of their past life spouses and could not even see the face of my spouse for several days. Madhva yelled at me saying "This is why dumbshit like you should not have these siddhis, shame upon you! Do your duty as what is prescribed in this life in a detached mode". I complied because Guru's words are command, not a mere suggestion.

Surviving the ancestral onslaught:

From the day of the marriage, the only word I heard in my house was death. My biological father wanted to suicide and he ate my head day and night, it was the residual of his past life and this life karmic acts of abusing several women, he was of no use to his immediate ancestors and they urged him to end his life.

I knew my father's ancestors were denied birth opportunities if the marriage happened and they are planning to use him as a pawn to stop the marriage, I was barely lucky with this, I could not stop him. I hugged him tightly behind the marriage hall and taught I should even tie him up with the rope but the man started jumping hysterically and I could not hold him and I was jumping with him as I tried to suppress him and all the bride side relatives were watching and murmuring. Poor guy was putting his head in the guillotine and the deity would not have let him go if he has stopped the marriage. There was a temple nearby and I made him sit there and the man eased for 1 hour as he watched the priest cleaning the vessels for worship and the marriage was done quickly as he cooperated with the rituals for the marriage ceremony and started the drama again at home. 

On the other end, my biological mother and her astral ancestors wanted to kick my dad and his astral ancestors out of the house for his stupid acts during my marriage which he almost would have stopped, and she and her group wanted to take revenge on it. She had a long time overdue on this matter and this matter was apt to settle the score and take vengeance on him. I resisted her and her astral group's energy from kicking my dad out of the house as it is not the dharma as per Valmiki Ramayana. Madhva hinted at this a long time ago on how Rama treated his father, as I was doing the other way due to my mom's influence. 

The biological mother started to give me a fresh set of hellish experiences from past lives and this life. She would create drama and throw things on the ground and instigate fight day and night with me with the newly married girl around as the hostage. I would stay silent and then burst into reaction, Ramana would send me the message "Don't react, Ignore, Ignore". But at times, I broke his command and reacted. I sincerely regret it and applied it strongly in the coming days. She would create even more drama by bringing more third parties as judges and complicate the matter even more.

One day, she went and banged her head on the wall till she bled and cried vehemently on the ground rolling and tearing her saree, beating her chest till it almost bled, I did not even react to it. Suddenly, it flashed to me in open eyes, that she did the exact same thing in the past life as a wife and I got utterly disgusted and walked wearing loin cloth happily without even looking back at her. She rolled on the ground, put mud on her head, and cried. I had 2 kids at that time and the neighbors came to console her and the children, I just walked straight to the forest, not even turning my head to have a glance. The same neighbors in their past lives who come to console her are sitting in the house as family friends who we met as neighbors in Thailand in 1995-97 and the relationship is still going on in 2021-22.

How much has not changed over the births, same people, similar setup, everything is the same! 

With all the crying, bleeding, and torn dresses, I smiled and walked away. I uttered, "You have not changed over lifetimes and you will never change". The leftover relationship energy is coming to haunt me in this lifetime and I don't want to extend anymore, same way I walked away without looking at her to my room upstairs.

Later on, my spouse of this life told me that women were speaking about me and saying "How the hell is he sitting like a rock and smiling when his mother is bleeding, someone has done black magic to him, what more tricks and shenanigans do we have in our bag to get him back on track" and they called few elder women relatives to get more ideas. Nothing worked at least physically but astrally the battle and the chasing is still going on.

Countering Spiritual austere energy:

By this time, one should have got what I went thru in India and how fear of death haunted me. When the fear of death was haunting me, my body would be trembling in a vibration mode for every second and the fear would creep in every cell of my body, and would feel the God of death is only feet away. Imagine I am having this experience for 4 full months and on top of it all the astral and physical ancestral fighting.

I am not going to go into more detail on the source of the fear of death as the energy can catch on to the curious reader because a curious and competitive bug in an idiot's mind would compel them to google those topics and suck in those dark energies and keep crying about it and harass me later on for the cause of their panic.

Jokingly wore Loin Cloth:

When I was in India, in the first few days it was all laughter and fun with women before the ugly side opened up. I accidentally and playfully wore loin cloth to jokingly irritate the ladies in my house as they were talking about my marriage dress and what coat to wear. I went to the bathroom and removed a filter cloth tied to the tap (as the tap water in my area is very muddy, so we tie some cloth for the filter) and wore it as a loin cloth.

Granny and Mom were laughing, but little did they nor I know what was going to ensue in the coming days. Ironically that was the day my first spine kundalini started, even though sufficient boring of the subtle body was done in the past 6 months, and wearing loin cloth for the first time in this life does look symbolic in some way when I look back in time now,  it rang the kundalini bell in my head. (Lateron, Madhva banned me from wearing loin cloth since I am a householder and ever since then I never wore loin cloth till date)

In the coming days, I did not know which was day and night, wearing a loin cloth and roaming in the house. The full countering spiritual energy stored in my subtle body took over the body and I was doing things in my own way with some or no objectivity. My dad would run behind me and cover the window curtains to make sure the neighbors don't see me in loin cloth and most time, my dad would have to pick the loincloth from the ground to tie me up again and sometimes he has to gather me up from in some unconscious position and tie the loin cloth again. Sometimes, when the sun's energy is high, the kundalini would burst with each step I made.

The women would hide my loin cloth every day and I was tearing each t-shirt to make a new loin cloth and I holed myself into one corner of the house and was doing my austerities to escape the fear of death. I was not myself, that's when I saw one day, this flash in the open eyes of me doing similar yogic austerities in the past lives right next to me and the flash showed me the asanas to do. I said, "That's me, I am doing it right there" to nobody next to me as if somebody were seeing what I was seeing.

Even before this incident, I have seen the past life hut where I used to live and do austerities very close to a river bank. I explained to one of the Madhva's students that as he had aa mental image of a big marble granite hall ashram for austerities, I disparaged and told him how the austerities used to be back in the day. It was all hut and cow dung flooring and simple life and living alone and isolated.

From sub-conscious intuition, I went on to say how it used to be and I saw the entire house in my third eye through a portal in open eyes and explained to him, how it is done. That was my house, where I slept and did austerities. I have put out the quite accurate dimensions of the kutir I lived close to the river bank. This is put to give a feeling to Westerners and Easterners in this modern life how it was done back in the day, it was never marble and granite floorings and walls, it was all in huts. I even know where I placed the water pot to drink water before going out for meditation. Times have changed, no more huts with modernization, but it gives a sense of reference.

Not a big or famous guy in my past lives (but the subtle desire is hidden deep in my psyche) where one can find a Wikipedia page on his past life activities nor written any books, just one among the several skinny frail looking failed yogis who could not achieve enough in past lives to relocate to some astral place for a considerable time, but lucky to meet some true gurus life after life and also failing them life after life.

indeed rare is the one who surpasses the cycle of death and rebirth and we are happy and celebrate what they could do, not envying them and we still keep striving failure after failure following their footsteps until that auspicious day.

By this time, almost all kundalini from the spine to the whole body was raised in 3-4 months' time and still, the fear of death did not leave me. Several psychic mudras and bandhas were astrally shown to me and some naturally came and still, the fear of death did not leave me.

2 fingers pointing to the sky:

Many days, it would be difficult to do austerities not due to discomfort but due to extreme fear of death, so fearful that I can't even do the next pose and even a gasp for breath sometimes would be impossible and I would tremble in fear.

As the fear of death told me, "Why do you want to do all these austerities when you are going to die shortly? Everybody would laugh at you and investigate why you died miserably. What will your relatives think of you when they know how you died? haha". That's when all my reasoning and austerities failed at this moment.

I said facing the sky, usually, I point 1 finger to the sky (comes naturally to me whenever subtle bursts of cosmic consciousness naturally occur), but now I raised 2 fingers pointing. There are only 2 people right now in this universe, it is me and the other person is Lord Shiva. I know he is somewhere doing austerities just like me, I am not alone, he is there for me.

Then, I took the energy from Lord Shiva and went on to do the austerity to fight the fear of death directly with Lord Shiva's grace. It was a masterstroke, I still don't know how I did it when my body itself was frozen in fear that I can't even breathe and from where this audacity came in (Madhva's notes helped me from behind the head). I am sure some of the astral beings were watching me interestingly and were happy that I survived another day from this onslaught. 

That's when I realized the limitations of Kundalini Yoga and started to move into Buddhi Yoga. I wanted to leave the body thru crown chakra as I was convinced that I would die shortly and the fear tight-lipped my mouth not to discuss it with anyone including gurus. I even pierced into the crown chakra, still, the fear of death did not leave me. I read Gita and all scriptures still the fear of death did not leave me.

This shows there is so much more to yoga and liberation and respect for all who transcended the fear of death! Ramana Maharishi had similar fear of death at the age of 15-16 which led him to renunciation later he encountered it again at the age of 38-39 and after a few years, he ultimately transcended it and was liberated. He is an extraordinary Akshara Purusha without a second, who can imitate him! Buddha and other arahants also transcended the fear of death. 

Final Temporary Relief:

Later on, one day when Madhva called I told him the pressure is getting unbearable after 4 months and he said to get out of the place immediately, there were a lot of obstacles but I did get out somehow and entered the USA by Lord's grace. Then, somehow I told about the fear of death.

Madhva asked me to fight the fear case by case and asked me to take specific tests to fight it out. He said, "Do not transfer that crap energy to my psyche". The energy locked me heavily to not enter any lab but counter energy was transferred to my psyche to enter the lab. Later, I did certain medical tests to specifically drive out the fear of certain diseases thru which my mind convinced me that death would come. The fear still did not go out but with the medical report I fought it out day after day after 2 weeks, the fear subsided. These boxes should not be opened again.

This is a good outline of what torture I went thru, more details can't be shared in public, that's how dark and nasty it gets. I wrote this responsibly to satiate the ill-curiosity-driven minds and at the same time not to drive them toward such dark energy states without divulging too much information about it as the minds are addicted to prying.