Practice Report
Meditationtime Forum Post
Date: Posted 4 years before Jun 18, 2018
devaPriya Yogini 4 years ago
Om Yogi Madhvacharya Namaha
This morning I was working with my lady students as we do each Tuesday at 4am. Toward the end of exercise we did a 12 posture Sivananda sun salutation. I’ve stated before that most of the time when I do this salutation slowly, holding each pose for however long it feels right, while breath infusing in each, when coming up from the last forward bend, kundalini will rise. Sometimes I am forced into a very fast, controlled collapse to the floor on my back and will ride out the experience there. This morning I came up from the last forward bend and had the most controlled and completely lucid rise of kundalini I’ve had so far but while remaining standing.
What is most notable about it was the kundalini sensations in my teeth, gums mouth and lips, as well as the tiny spirals of energy I viewed in subtle vision. Pretty little muted purple and green swirls of energy, very specific from one another. This bliss energy stayed in my head long into meditation and remains mildly still.
I was reminded that the teeth are piezoelectric, each one holds a charge and is connected to the internal organs, physical and subtle, by membranes upon which electric information travels.
Meditation was a nice one this morning, which is awesome because I’m due for a good one. The post that Michael made yesterday with a statement attributed to Lord Buddha made an impact on my meditation:
Having searched in all directions with the mind, one cannot find anyone anywhere whom one loves more than oneself.
I was contemplating this while subduing some mind stuff this morning as I started meditation. I was thinking that it’s easy for the sense of self to be the entity that is viewing and admiring the core self. But this isn’t self love. There seems to be a difference between the sense of self perceiving and admiring the core self as opposed to the core self being completely absorbed in its own glory without the involvement of the sense of self or obviously any other component of mind.
While the sense of self is still the one perceiving the core self, the core self doesn’t experience its own isolated existence. It seems the sense of self has to be neutralized, invisible, like all the other adjuncts, in order for the core self to be alone and feel the depth of its own perfect and euphoric love.
The sense of self seems only capable of loving the core self in the same way as one person can love another person. It will never be as complete or as all pervading, all involved or all understanding as the love one can have for one’s self.
Nevertheless it still seems like it’s a good thing and part of my process for the sense of self to turn away from the world it constantly relates too, turn toward the core self and look at it. It feels like this is when the ego falls in love with something far greater than its own façade and dissolves.
The pretense that is the sense of self sees the true self as if suddenly having a mirror put in front of its face and sees the truth of the situation as unreal. It sees (or maybe more accurately the core self is seeing all this) itself as something other than what it thought it was and annihilation begins. Over time it will be undone by the true person who was forgotten in the distracting mix of material existence.
And finally, the game is up.
So as far as what I can interpret from my experience, the sense of self is busy making relations…relating to all that is contained in the subtle body, the memories, impressions, sensual distractions, even the song that was playing itself in my head when first entering meditation. But the feeling of love was so present and so desired, that the core self rose up and banished everything that wasn’t it from the mind like a tyrant, demanding all these impressions and the components that relate to them, to get the hell out.
When this happened it was like when you drop dish soap into greasy water and the grease is repelled instantly in all directions away from the soap. All thoughts even thinking about being thought, thoughts waiting in line to be thought, were eradicated to the far outskirts of my mind.
Then I felt like, there I was, alone in my own presence, experiencing this love Buddha spoke of.
The sense of self can search all it wants but will never be capable of true love, the buddhi organ can’t find it, the senses can’t find it, the body can’t find it.
Lord Buddha said oneself. The self is in there, albeit obscured and buried in layers of environment, but ever present and waiting for the day to come when it can finally bask in the glory of how much love it has for itself but only when absent of all other influences.
Experiencing this even for even a moment is wonderful and definitely a game changer.
Jai Shri Radhe
MiBeloved 4 years ago
devaPriya Yogini wrote:
While the sense of self is still the one perceiving the core self, the core self doesn’t experience its own isolated existence. It seems the sense of self has to be neutralized, invisible, like all the other adjuncts, in order for the core self to be alone and feel the depth of its own perfect and euphoric love.
Mibeloved's Response:
Sense of self in this vocabulary is termed as ahankara in Sanskrit, while core-self is termed as atma. Ahankara means the initial sense of acting, the initial feeling of being an agent for change in material existence.
In Western psychology this is called the ego and the false ego among other names.
While in the west this is considered to be a troublesome feature of personality. In the eastern system of philosophy this is considered to be a necessary adjunct which may or may not be corrosive to the spiritual self or atma.
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devaPriya Yogini wrote:
The sense of self seems only capable of loving the core self in the same way as one person can love another person. It will never be as complete or as all pervading, all involved or all understanding as the love one can have for one’s self.
Mibeloved's Response:
Sense of self, or the supernatural adjunct which I call the sense of identity, is perpetual. The living entity cannot release itself from it completely. A horse cannot remove its bridle because the creature is not equipped with the right type of limbs to do so.
The limited self cannot remove its sense of identity. It can however transcend that sense of identity on occasion. This happens during meditation when the self retreats internally into the chit akash plane of consciousness. On other higher planes, the self may also experience varying degrees of distance from the sense of identity; varying degrees of freedom from its dominance.
Even though the horse cannot remove the bridle, it may on occasion experience itself without the bridle. This may happen in its dreams even though on the physical plane, that won’t happen.
Sense of identity is actually friendly to the core-self but it becomes involved with the buddhi intellect orb and with the kundalini life force system, and that is why it has to be antagonistic to the self in its dealings.
devaPriya Yogini 4 years ago
Mibeloved wrote:
Sense of self, or the supernatural adjunct which I call the sense of identity, is perpetual. The living entity cannot release itself from it completely. A horse cannot remove its bridle because the creature is not equipped with the right type of limbs to do so.
devaPriya Yogini comment:
Hence my use of statements like:
It seems the sense of self has to be neutralized, invisible, like all the other adjuncts, in order for the core self to be alone and feel the depth of its own perfect and euphoric love.
No the bridle can't come off so long as a horse is a horse. But the horse can close his eyes and remember or intuit what it's like to be unbridled, wild and free and love itself that way, in a way it can't with the bridle. The horse opens his eyes and yes the bridle is still there, but at least he experienced the feeling of loving his true self. That's got to be something of value.
So I close my eyes and manage to forget that I am bound. Im not aware of my harness, I can't feel it around me anymore. Even though the harness is still there, what does that matter in terms of the extraction process I am undergoing?
If I'm not bound in my subjective experience and manage to feel even a drop of the deep love Buddha referred too, then even when I open my eyes and the perpetual sense of self is there saying, 'hi! im still here', doesn't the remembrance or discovery of core self love propel the process of liberation from the confinement that will lead to eventual liberation? Isn't that what we are after? Don't we want to be free of this sense of self and get out of the material world that requires it?
Sense of self may have a fondness for the core self. Thank God for that. But It doesn't always have a fondness for its self. In my experience, the sense of identity can and will turn on itself in a moment's notice and beat itself up without mercy.
MiBeloved 4 years ago
devaPriya Yogini wrote:
Doesn't the remembrance or discovery of core self love propel the process of liberation from the confinement that will lead to eventual liberation?
MiBeloved's Response:
Patanjali give us the hint about how the motivation for liberation which comes from material nature will suffice initially but must be discarded eventually if we want full liberation.
So yes, the remembrance or discovery of the isolated core-self does inspire liberation but the key to attaining liberation is to find out what caused the adjuncts to be mandatory psychic appendages in the first place.
What or who enforces the adjuncts?
Are we being pushed by the mundane evolutional cycle and that is all?
Or are we being pulled by other forces and persons out of the mundane evolutionary cycle?
Self, for all it is unto itself, has to take help from others, in this case Buddha, for the same self to love itself in real terms.
What does that tell us about the self-sufficiency of the self?
devaPriya Yogini 4 years ago
MiBeloved wrote:
What does that tell us about the self-sufficiency of the self?
devaPriya Yogini’s comment:
You said it in the Application part of Chapter 1 vs 4 of Meditation Pictorial p 19....
"Self realization, though advertised as a grand accomplishment, begins with an understanding that the core self is basically insecure. This insecurity is offset by its fusion into sub realities. If the self is separated from these sub-energies, it will again seek them out to resume its integrity. To abandon these supports, the core self has to spend many hours in isolation. It has to re-orient itself to that. This takes deliberate practice."
We have a big job on our hands since we are dealing with an insecure core self situation. So we wouldn't be caught up in this mess if the core self weren't such a wimp I guess.
