My Sense of Compassion

Please connect to the post below as an additional reply:

Indifference in a New Body

My Fragmented Sense of Compassion

The subject of compassion is one that is complex for me (and not easily expressed, and therefore not well written about here). I can see that it was a relationship that sharply changes overtime. And, that given the proper guidance and clarity as to its nature I adjusted or adapted or perhaps somewhere along the line. So for me, this writing is a worthy exercise of introspection.

From the start as a fetus, I had no recollection of how I was or what I was about, and that is normal as well as acceptable. Once the brain is positioned in an environment that favors its further development in order to enhance consciousness of the experience of it, it also develops a sense of value and judgment or discrimination.

Based on the developmental stage and the environment a sense like that of compassion is developed and exercised, IMO it remains relative. Babies in village setting crawl around on the ground, and may occasionally pick up a bug and direct it to their mouths since they are said according to Freudian psychoanalysis to be at the oral (pleasure) stage.

Separately, I had many years ago run it by Rishi that I was traveling to Seattle in order to join the Seattle Police Department, the SPD. I was already working at the time as an educational counselor for CCA (Corrections Corporation of America) a major corporate prison system. I could sense my exposure to the inmates who typically had a different level or composition of consciousness, it was very challenging.

Basically changing jobs meant that I was ready to kill, as a police officer under the right and lawful circumstances, and I had to be cleared-eye about the weight and eventual killing of another human being on my consciousness. Based on conditioning and societal/ environmental approval and justification I went for the position.

Regarding the situation with the foretellers. After we had arrived at the village, and reached the waiting area under a shaded thatched canopy where we’d sit on simple wooden benches of different sizes and be served drinking water. A boy would have been sent to gather the group of shamans (though some are supposed to know beforehand that they have visitors, based on psychic awareness).

During consultation, they proved to not only be good at foretelling but they could also read emotional states. Still, they didn’t appreciate that I would have such feelings towards the sacrificing of the chicken.

Those foretellers were able to connect with my emotional being or energy, they were such empaths or aural readers. That still did not allow them to appreciate my feelings towards the killing/ sacrifice of one chicken, especially considering my undertaking a long trip for the opportunity to get their reading into the akashic records, just for my interest/ benefit.

Consciousness expands by connections with certain senses and environment. And then some attitudes are adopted based on certain justifications. I don’t necessarily know what is good or bad, I only really project focusing on what is beneficial to the elevation of my level of consciousness, to which compassion may or may not be relevant.

What is cruelty, what is compassion is also much of the time contextual. Animal suffering was a big thing when I was a little boy. Adults would say that it is particularly bad to mistreat animals because they are the “speechless ones”, the creator had not gifted them with the sense of speech, therefore one must have mercy towards them. The same sentiment is explained here: https://theconversation.com/people-hate-cruelty-to-animals-so-why-do-we-do-it-127448

I recall once as a young boy in my dad’s village where I would travel to for about a month when school was out during summer vacation, and I would joyfully go sheep and goat herding with my peer relatives. And, a situation happened with one of the nanny goats, “Red one” (due to the hue of her hair). She was older and the most ill-reputed for being very strong-headed. She would give us a hard time going into or leading other goats to villagers’ cultivated field to eat their crops. It is herders’ responsibility to prevent transgression of others’ properties by their animals.

It was my turn to round the herd, so they don’t stray away too far as they graze. I did as we would when an animal strayed too far too quickly, we’d through a good size stick (one that we cut from a tree to have, as herders do) ahead of it, so that it will turn its direction/ attention towards the group. This one time the stick hit “Bléni” (the red one) on her stomach, and she was very pregnant. Before we got home early that afternoon, she gave birth to a still kid. It was difficult for me to deal with that. This is the first time I ever disclose this event, but I am grateful to be able to do so here.

So yes, any suffering is touchy, it is all felt through the senses. What I do is appreciate the same senses in other animals or even species, then I know they also feel the same way, they interpret differently based on their form and instincts, their level and nature of awareness are different to mine, but I can sense theirs. There are videos of animals expressing compassion towards others by helping them for instance, so I’d say they can empathize.

I have on rare occasions not been able to watch some documentaries posted here. In those cases, I try to ask for the comments of someone who has viewed them so that I can muster the courage to watch. I have a few documentaries listed on my U-tube account that I’d like to be able to watch, they can disturb my consciousness. But I tell myself that at the right time, I will know when my consciousness can be exposed to them and not be overwhelmed by my sense of compassion (?).

There have been times like that when I know I can do it. I suppose I feel more in command of the visioning apparatus as it filters through the sense of attention at those times, making the intellect more neutral. Feeling compassion almost feels to me like a sadomasochist act. I am sorry for writing out of my deviant (and sick mind), but I don’t appreciate having to feel compassion. I don’t have a problem with that, but I know very well that such is considered “ab-normal”.

In my line of work, I am able to empathize with my clients and be there for them fully. Even when there is transference, where they identify or project feelings on me, or even when there’d be countertransference (from me to the client), I can accept the psychological role for the benefit of the client and I am able to also simply end the relationship when the time comes. So my objectivity remains, and in the end, I harness the value of the experience and leave the apparatus or the mechanism alone.

To some extent, believing in reincarnation yet incapable of tracing the life activities of others, I am in no real good position to extend compassion to them. My sense of compassion could easily be self-conceit and dubious.  In a way, I should rather try to mind my own and stay out of nature’s scheme. That position will benefit me in the long run.

I feel that I am capable of empathic compassion, yet I strive for objectivity. I consider my compassion a weakness, not that I’d want to be tough, that would only be an illusion or a ghostly desire. I see my compassion as a reaction of my senses within a particular existential context, so my identification with it is a hindrance. I don’t however think of compassion as a bad thing at all, but more so as a limited advanced natural psycho-emotional construct.

Furthermore, to me, it is also a privilege to have awareness, of my compassion towards other living entities. Only then can it add to my experience of my interaction with the environment and its other core-selves, in a way that is meaningful to me, so that it may allow me to actually never desire this sort of birth, because I have felt others and reached into their suffering, to the extent that I’d rather not even be in a position to connect with any of it whatsoever.

I guess I kinda see compassion and suffering as two sides of the same coin. And when there is the opposite of suffering, as in enjoyment then comes the envy of others (instead of compassion) or at least attraction to that state of enjoyment. In a way these represent a load of distractions, or perhaps I have grown to be callous and harsh, but I don’t mind doing what is necessary for my objective of turning my back on this environment.

I wouldn’t say that I lack the sense of compassion, but from compassion, I like to develop dispassion, where one does not seek to engage in compassion. It is relative without the full picture, beyond what I see. My compassion for one can result in cruelty to another overtime. So I can have responsible compassion that even includes the Earth, mother Bumi.

I’d say the attention having matured aims for a less implicated compassion a bit like biologists who do not intervene in nature because they see ‘cruelty” as an integral part of the cycle of life. But here it is disinterest or non-sensual/ sentimental involvement not of the instincts and intellect alone but also of the sense of attention.

Such attention can induce more social drama and further implications. Introspection of the connection the energy that lurches out in search of these distractions of the sense of attention, that will keep myself bonded in social drama and further and farther implications.

Years ago, when the war in Syria was setting to start, I was alarmed and posted on the previous site of Meditation Time, I could sense the upcoming suffering of the people, and it was depressing. It sucks! The suffering of innocents, the complete disruption of their lives, has happened so many times as part of human history. But it is strange that if war was to break out, I absolutely don’t think that I’ll wait to be killed, I’d kill others out of the way of my survival, with a machete, gun, whatever as in war. At the same time, I’d also be ready to die, once again.

Illustrations

What are the most terrifying displays of intelligence by animals?

About the example of the lioness and her dead prey and taking from the detailed reply of Chukwuebuka Sunday

People hate cruelty to animals, so why do we do it?

How To Speak Chicken: how chickens deal with trauma, death, and mourning

Excerpt:

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"Still, for days after a hen dies, it is not uncommon for those who were closest to her to mourn the loss of their friend. From the safety of the coop, they call out, using the same sound that means “Where are you?” when they are free-ranging in the yard and can’t find a missing member of the flock. A grieving hen avoids interacting with the flock and sits in a corner with puffed-up feathers like a chicken that feels ill." ....