Meditation Reveals a Dark Shadow Self

Meditationtime Forum Post

Date:  Posted 3 years before Dec 06, 2016

Marcia Beloved 3 years ago

This morning I decided to skip exercises and meditation and rest instead.  The plan was to get the body refreshed and catch up on sleep.

Despite my intention, I ended up instead, drifting into a zone of observance.  I went into what I can only describe as the dark shadow of myself.  When I awoke, the details were gone and I could only recall the heavy, depressive energy and mood of those 2 1/2 hours.  While passing through it, I was totally trapped in a bubble of gloom that enveloped my entire nature.

I wondered when I arose:   This cannot be qualities of the core self!  But it was so real that I had to also think:   Is this my true subtle nature then?   Is this the base nature that I will carry with me when the physical body dies and I am left to exist as the combination of the subtle body and core self?

I remembered a recent response of Michael to a query of mine in this thread:

Post Name: Females / Honey-Pot Effect

Post Link: http://www.inselfyoga.com/m/forums/topic/Females-Honey-Pot-Effect

From your perspective it may be that you are becoming different persons all the time but actually you are the same core-self which exhibits this or that qualities according to the props or supports.

The core-self is like a translucent clear crystal and it assumes the colors (qualities) of whatever shines on it. Those are its supports. The crystal feels pink when a pink light is near it and it feels blue when an aquamarine light is near it.

This comment applies directly to the experience I had this morning.  In my subconscious, I was connected to an aspect of material nature which colored the core-self in the darkest shadow.  I experienced that subconscious shadow with some slight objectivity.   That is an accomplishment, but obviously nothing to be proud of unless I am able to learn to veer away from that aspect of material nature in the future.

Going into meditation or into the psyche is often advertised as yielding a blissful aspect of God or of oneself.  For me, I rarely find that blissful, and I am again reminded that my real mission in self purification is to search out the dusty, dark morbid corners that have bonded to the subtle components like Super Glue creating perpetual grooves, clouding my connection to the Supreme. 

Do any readers have any advice or insights to offer?

Jettins 3 years ago

If I try to make sense of things based on what the conclusion should be I could very easily make a mistake about what actually happened. To avoid this I should first find out what actually took place, before trying to understand how it happened. Maybe if I could figure out how to duplicate what happened I could gain more insight into my experience. I should start at the very beginning to try to avoid useless and premature conclusions.  After all, the state of consciousness that created the problem is the issue, I don’t know exactly what caused it, but somehow it’s must be buried in there. I might have to go in there with a pike and shovel, oh, I might get dirty, and I didn’t want that to happen. Interesting, maybe it’s the reason why it got buried, because I shoveled pristine white sands on top of some dirt. That makes sense, maybe it really wasn’t buried, and it’s just that I didn’t know it was there at the beginning. But nothing stays perfect here on earth that’s for sure silly, even juicy mango hanging on a tree is going to taste like shit at some point. Maybe if I could figure out how the mango became rancid I could,.. no no, I am not some mango, I have control of my phases for sure, I think? I mean I choose to skip my exercise and rest because I was jetlagged or something and the mango can’t do that! But if I leave a mango outside on the dirt forgotten it just won’t taste right, a bird might even come and take a bite out of it, who knows, so maybe I shouldn’t ignore the mango outside, because if I do it’s going to grow worms, those damn worms like to hang out in gloomy places for sure, they must be psychologically flawed.  So I can’t eat the mango anymore because I never develop a taste for worms. Yes, so if I clean the worms out of the mango, I could eat the mango! It would be healthy again! No, because it’s the environment that created the worms, not the worms creating the environment. So I guess I don’t have to worry about worms, if I figure out the phases of the mango! But I am not some mango damn it! I mean I am not as hopeless as some mango! But I have a point, I am still in the same environment as the mango, because if I wasn’t in the same environment as the mango I could choice never ever to need rests and I haven’t been able to do that because I still get tired, and I am not getting any younger either. Nothing stays perfect around here when I think about it, that’s for sure. I got it! If I freeze the mango when it’s ripe and juicy it will stay ripe forever!! Sure, but what if the freezer breaks down? The mango won’t have the immunities to stay ripe and juicy so hiding it won’t work. Unless I can transfer it to a freezer that will never break, but I’m I sure I can find one of those? But I am making it impossible for me! Maybe it is, or I could look at it from a different angle. What if it was just the worm that I needed to be concerned about, that if somehow I could find a way to make it all terrain? The environment wouldn’t affect it, or whatever name I want to call this worm. It doesn’t even matter what it is, only what it does, its function. I would bet my bottom dollar that this worm would find what best is suited for it. Even the freezers would take notice for sure.

Marcia Beloved 3 years ago

Thanks for your words of advice, Jettins!

I have read your response several times, trying to cull the meaning. 

I think you are saying that I cannot control the environment, but should make myself an unsuitable host for such darker energies.  Is this correct?

Jettins 3 years ago

I wrote that convoluted so that you could pull any meaning that works for you. It has multiple ones.

So yeah.

unlimitedsun 3 years ago

We are not the experiences we are exposed to in the present or the past as they pop up from the subconscious at some rare frequency.

The approach is holistic, so although I get put off by lower subtle experiences or even the plain and mundane ones, unless they have been faced the higher will only be ephemeral.

Personally I have learned from your explanation, as it is a balanced view of the experience. But I presume that the experiences, the doer and the observer are distinct.

In a sense it is important for the healer to discriminate his or her position from that of the disease and ill person, in order to continue working.

Marcia Beloved 3 years ago

I agree, Surya.   That is wise advice since by discriminating and separating, one can actually progress and learn from such experiences.

Jettins 3 years ago

I think that by discriminating and separating the experience itself after we wake up from it we can learn to understand it. But this is the only type of separation that I will do.  In my view the doer and the observer are distinctly separate when the psyche is fragmented, the default. This fragmentation is an absolute no-no if the person wants to become objective during astral projection experiences.

In my personal case, when I have a bit more difficulty becoming objective in non-physical states I am less in touch with reality and my experiences become confusing. It's no surprise to me that when I write something that is functionally true about non-physical states my perception increases and I have even more objective experiences. So it's not about trying to become lucid, it's about adjusting my psyche so that greater clarity becomes lucidity. It is this clarity that I then try to lift into higher levels of being. Advance beings have noticed my philosophy it think it’s something they can work with for sure.

I know your following a different system, one that works. However, we are still going into the astral even when we don't remember it. I'd say why not learn to make good use of it? Maybe we are concerned about ineffective tendencies that could develop if we do that, but my view is that the tendencies are already there, especially when one has difficulty remembering astral events due to lack of objectivity. Which is why learning to becoming objectively aware does more at potentially freeing ourselves from certain astral situations than ignoring them as unimportant. Not saying that you are Marcia, just making a point. You are very kind indeed.

I would erase the word "separation" when referring to aspects of the psyche in my view because doing so implies a boundary pushing against something, that something always pushes back at you, always. In return the doer wants one thing and the observing wanted another, or in other words the doer and the observing self do not synchronize rendering objective awareness difficult. This happened because illusions played out dualistically or separated within the psyche. I would instead try to change its magnetic charge by troubleshooting psychological issues and memories. This increases the perspective and has a tendency to lift the consciousness into higher dimensions of being. In my view I don’t think I’ll ever be able to change the source of energy, but I can change the function of the energy, or its manifesting form.  This would mean that certain situations in my psyche can always generate until they are not needed.

Marcia Beloved 3 years ago

Thank you for your interest, Jettins. You said:

I would erase the word "separation" when referring to aspects of the psyche in my view because doing so implies a boundary pushing against something, that something always pushes back at you, always. In return the doer wants one thing and the observing wanted another. This happened because illusions played out dualistically or separated within the psyche. I would instead try to change its magnetic charge by troubleshooting psychological issues and memories. This increases the perspective and has a tendency to lift the consciousness into higher dimensions of being. In my view I don’t think I’ll ever be able to change the source of energy, but I can change the function of the energy, or its manifesting form.  This would mean that certain situations in my psyche can always generate until they are not needed.

This is very helpful, as is the recommendation to become objective in astral experiences.