Happiness needs of the sense of identity (ego)
Meditationtime Forum Post
Date: Posted 3 years before Jun 22, 2016
MiBeloved 3 years ago
During meditation this morning, I noticed something which is really important which is that the sense of identity has a need for satisfaction and happiness. This was a very essential realization because unless I really understand my needs, I cannot address them or even own up to them in real terms. I may instead deny them based on conceptual utopian statements which are given to me by popular speakers and teachers.
It is not just about the core-self because it is not alone. It exists here with adjuncts which it cannot get rid of just by wishful thinking or by guru pronouncements. Thus if I understand the needs of these adjuncts and can provide the fulfillments efficiently, then my problems would really be solved.
I was in an airport the other day. There was this lady there with an infant, a really fidgety little kid. He could not sit still for an instant. His mom had about four bags plus him. The kid demanded tons of attentions. Finally he got wild and began to squirm on the floor.
His mom was at her wits end but there was little she could do about it. So this is a case of having to carry a fidgety adjunct. The lady was not fidgety and yet she was responsible for the behavior of this restless boy. Similarly we have to take care of the adjuncts of the core self.
Many of us on the spiritual path have no idea of adjuncts. Our idea is that there is a self. This self is spiritual. And that is all there is to it. For us, the adjuncts are irrelevant. Their needs are not the needs of the self, so why should we worry about them.
However here I am taking that proposal, looking at it and crumpling it up and throwing it in the trashcan. It is valid if I do not want a real solution, otherwise I have to deal with the reality of the adjuncts.
These adjuncts, as I realized them are the sense of identity (ahamkara), intellect psychic orb (buddhi), the memories (smriti), the life force mechanism (kundalini) and the senses (indriyas).
In this discourse, I want to speak only of the sense of identity. Because it is the highest of the adjuncts and the one which is closest to the core self. This is the most important adjunct to deal with in the high end of kriya practice. This morning I saw how it gets fulfillments. It released a pleasure energy, a bliss force which was like a thick liquid with a cooling camphor like feeling saturated in it. This was a happy energy which causes the core-self to hanker for private happiness in the mind.
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Normally when this happiness is felt, it is felt as the happiness of the core-self but in this instant because of being on a higher level of awareness, the core-self was segregated and objective to the sense of identity, and so I noticed that what I would usually say is my happiness, is the core-self’s happiness, is really only the happiness of the sense of identity.
This happened while I was meditating and was fused into the naad sound in the back of the head.
Seeing the release of this bliss energy and the smile of the sense of identity when this was released, I considered, ‘Now this is how this adjunct is satisfied. It builds up this bliss force, then it must release this from time to time, like building up sexual hormones and then having to climax in sexual experience. This is how this derives pleasure from its own existence.
The sense of identity accumulated this bliss energy from its interactions with the intellect orb, just as in the material body, sexual hormones are built up from food nutrients which are digested through the intestines.
So what it he value of this discovery?
It is this, that the sense of identity must have this bliss energy expressed every so often. It must be allowed this activity. There is no point in saying that the psyche does not need fulfillments because it does.
colleen 3 years ago
Now you are speaking my language! <smile>
