Beginnings-2: The calling!
December - January 18-19, 2018
Auburn Hills, Michigan
Friends and Reveling:
Things are going very tough during this period, no light till the end of the tunnel. Usual insults, fear and insecurities were running. No change in my situation.
I used to hide in the room when any Indian parents of my friends would visit us. Just embarrassing to meet them, it is typical for Asian parents to ask intrusive questions about their career and status. I was too low to come out and I avoided it altogether.
Many of them are married and much older than me, they were in their mid-30s-40s. They were single again for temporarily because their wives were in India for pregnancies or they came on a contract basis for the short term. They were reliving their bachelor days again.
This was the routine with them: party, booze, meat, movies, cricket, cards, fighting..... again party, booze, meat, movies, cricket, cards, fighting...
Enjoyed it extremely on one side. Even though I did not drink but I reveled and the mood was always enjoyment and pleasurable to the senses. Gathering of boys in fun always!\
One part of the psyche is reveling to hide the sadness and pain, but the other part of the psyche is also cautious of the reality and it is getting worse day by day. Wondering about a way out!
Body Poses:
By the month of November 2017, several changes have started taking place astrally. I started doing yoga poses just like that. Everything at that point is pinned around finding a decent job. Nothing holy, the intention was just to have a decent survival at that time, liberation from that situation.
This was the first pose I did haphazardly. An inspiration came to practice, did 2-3 days, falling down but eventually when my forearms got strong, I did this pose.
I took this pose and put in the Snapchat. It was an app that was getting famous at that time, and my stupid friends in the house introduced me to it. It was a weird app, whatever you send gets erased after one reads a message.
Mainly, the intention was to flirt with the opposite gender. Some random girls send text and it automatically gets deleted when the other person reads it. I posted a picture of some pose in that. I chatted with a random African-American woman and asked her why they shave their hair during winter out of ignorance, she laughed and explained that it gets brittle during cold times, so they shave to protect it. I was ignorant of several things about life. That was all the conversation.
After a month, suddenly, she texted in that app, saying " You are a Yogi". I was taken aback by that statement, I was shocked when someone called me by that name. The life I am living and the word she used to address me. She was the first to use that word on me, haha. She might have seen some pose and hinted at it. The ball started rolling.
Yogi is not a common title in India at least in modern days to my knowledge, it is still held in high regard. Some people in India use the title Yogi whimsically in India for commercial or political reasons. The word "Yoga" is overused but not the word "Yogi". I was thrown back when someone called me Yogi. That's a big title reserved for genuine Yogis and I don't think I ever deserved it back then or even now!
When the laity calls me yogi randomly even now without understanding the inner meaning and calling based on external activities or appearances, I put my head down in shyness. I hold that title in high regard for great and genuine yogis, not to put me on that list and downplay the greats. (this is my opinion, it is subjective, and it can differ from others' perspectives and the usage of the word, and the level of sacredness imparted to the word.)
I kept doing asanas or body poses for weeks now without any training from any sect in this life.
Isolation:
Several things one won't understand at that moment, but later on, one can backtrack and see what and why it happened. I realized after a few months in that house what was happening.
In December, the Michigan temperatures can range between -10 to - 30° C outside. I am used to sleep on the ground on top of a quilt. especially when moving from one house to another, quilts are easy to carry over than a mattress.
The carpeted floor on my side of the room was weirdly getting colder and colder day by day. After 10 days, I was sleeping by wearing shoes, socks, gloves, and a jacket. Still, the cold was penetrating the floor from my side and penetrating the quilt and my body. I and my friends were confused about what was going on, checked with the leasing office, and nothing worked out. All my things are bag are on that side of the room, so I can't share with anyone and no one wants to sleep on the colder side.
I got tired, went to the living space, and slept near the kitchen entrance. That was the first night, I slept after 10 days. Things are started changing more rapidly now.
This was done to isolate me from my friends.
"Yogi" Sound ringing inside the head (Astral Voice):
January 18-19, 2018,
Suddenly, while cooking Chicken Biriyani (Chicken Rice) for lunch with my friends. A sound started ringing in my head saying "Yogi, Yogi, Yogi...".
First, the sound gently started saying "Yogi, Yogi...". I ignored it.
We have a funny light-hearted saying in India, "Not even capable to earn a single penny and the guy wants to be a Yogi or Sanyasi". It generally means a few decades ago, a lot of people who had debts ran away to Kashi or Himalayas and disguised or posed as Yogi and sanyasi to evade the loan sharks and to escape the material life duties.
I laughed at myself looking at my penniless situation, and dismissed the "Yogi, Yogi" sound ringing in my head "Yogi". I thought I became delusional now after anxiety and panic attacks.
As the time went on and on, I was ignoring the sound.
After a few hours, it became unbearable. The next day, after sleep, thinking it will disappear but rather the sound came from all directions even stronger and also came from inside and outside the head.
Saw movies, ate meat, watched multiple porn, and filled my head with endorphins to get rid of the sound, thinking some delusion crept in and need to get back in shape to find a decent job.
Audio Book (Audible):
Then, on January 19th, 2018, I gave in to the sound. I was eating chicken and then my hand went to the pocket and brought the phone out. I absolutely have no reading habit till then, I recently developed my reading habit.
I already had a student account and got the first 3 audiobook credits for free. I already purchased 2 free audiobooks and was listening to them.
- The Practicing Mind: Developing Focus and Discipline in Your Life
- How Not to Be Wrong: The Power of Mathematical Thinking
I saved the last free book for the best and to buy some technical books to prepare for interviews, never even thought I would invest it in a spiritual book.
Took the phone out and typed "yogi" in the audible app's search box. Hundreds of books came, my finger twitched to the third book and chose "Autobiography of Yogi". As if someone possessed my body and took my phone and pushed me to read this book.
I was looking at Paramahamsa Yogananda's book and was wondering if this is a male or female? I have seen his photo in India too but should I even listen to the book? The author himself looks confusing to me.
Either way, if the sound ringing in my head stops that was enough for me.
The Night:
At the night, I listened to the book while sleeping on the floor near to the kitchen on my quilt with no friends nearby.
The first line in the book was "One shall not believe in magic or miracle unless one experiences it" - St. John's Gospel.
In the first line itself, I lost patience. My thought was: Already I am one step away from being on the streets, now I talk about the magic or miracle at this stage of my life, what is bound to happen in 2 weeks on the streets will happen in the next 2 days.
I still went on with the book.
I listened to the first 4-5 pages about how Yogananda's father tried to convince his employee to not visit his guru and focus on his job and then Lahiri Mahasaya's astral voice appeared in the sky and asked both of them to come and see him in Benares. That's all I heard, 3-4 pages and then went to sleep, thinking how nice that guru appears in the sky for his disciple, let someone appear to save my ass from going to the streets. (My best friend's wife was going to come anytime this month from India, once his wife comes, it will be inappropriate to stay in his house, so anytime I need to get out of the house).
Went to sleep at 2 am (my usual timing back in the day, when depression was going high) and then got back in 3 am and started meditating.
I was sitting in an easy pose (sukhasana) and was meditating for 30 minutes. Then, the astral instruction was to look in the phone on Kriya Yoga (the first time, I heard this word in Yogananda's book).
Same night Introduction to MiBeloved: (Jan 19, 2018)
Opened YouTube and searched Kriya Yoga and this video appeared at the bottom of the search my fingers twitched and clicked on this video (as if someone was moving my finger to click on it).
This was the first video I saw on Kriya Yoga: "Mibeloved kriya yoga demonstration".
First thoughts were (Layman intellect operations given here, forgive me):
- This guy is holding Kriya very dear to him, so he is calling it "MiBeloved (as My Beloved) Kriya Yoga", this must be the kriya yoga that Yogananda is talking about (not the same, realized later on).
- The teacher must be Adjobha, a strange or cryptic name. (I did not know he was the uploader, not the teacher).
- Is he Indian or some Himalayan yogi? He does not look like that.
- The room is dark and the face is not very clear, some Indian features but is not very Indian but he wears a sacred thread.
- The sacred thread is for brahmin priests in India, I have not seen anyone wearing it outside them even in India or outside India
- He has a sacred thread with very few Indian features and a different English accent, he should be from southern India. My father is also dark like him. And he looks like he knows what he is talking he is very serious and intense, and he must be a genuine teacher. That was my thinking process and how I came to the conclusion that I should follow him.
- He looks skinny and like a laborer, all famous gurus like Sri Sri Ravishankar, Jaggi and others look plump and posh, but he looks very intense and focused on the subject. That's what I should care what am I going to do with the long robes these gurus wearing? Till then, I have not approached any personality for learning yoga or anything even online.
My First Breath infusion practice:
That very night at 3:45 am, I started following his instruction as mentioned in the video sitting in Michigan. I was following step by step, all sitting poses and mudras/ bandhas explained by him. I did it day and night and also multiple times every day looking at the video and I was meditating with Lahiri Baba's energy and influence.
Little did I know after 3 years, I would meet him in 2021 in person in Florida.
I did very intense breath infusion practice for the next 7 months very seriously before I was circumstantially forced to join SRF and slow down on breath infusion technique but still doing in the background
Several miracles and astral incidents for the next several months were happening at that time and Prakriti's assault was non-stop but made it alive so far.
In the coming posts, I will explain some important incidents.
This was my first introduction to Yoga or Madhva in this life. Forgive me if I hurt any sentiments or feelings on any subject or person, I wrote it bare (a little bit polished though to make it a little readable).
I should take a moment to thank Bernard Adjodha for uploading that video. I did thank him in person when I met him in 2021 but I again take an opportunity to thank Bernard for his service in this life, I am indebted to him!
